Wednesday, February 26. 2014 

It’s 3:35 am. I heard thrashing about. Wasn’t sure where or what. Turned out to be Valentino. He had been sleeping upstairs, but had apparently gone downstairs to do his turn on the Chippendale couch or his bed in my office. He was unable to get up. His back legs were failing him or he was flailing. I gave him Reiki with all my might, eventually got him outside. A bit of pacing. Soft tummy. Not sure what the problem is yet or if he fell down the stairs (which I think I might have heard). He’s walking normally, but pacing every now and again. Odd stare. 

Last night, Christine came over. She’s new with Seniors Helping Seniors. By some accident or miracle, I found a brochure in Dr. B’s office. Turned out to be an ancient one with the founder’s home phone number. Kiran actually worked with Mother Teresa, whom I invoked for Valentino just a few moments ago. We talked a bit. She told me how she started the company and now has 200 franchises across the country. On top of that, Kiran asked for my resume and wondered if I would work for her as a marketing expert. So who knows what will come of this “chance” encounter. Kiran gave me Christine’s number, and it was Christine who signed us up for respite here at home for mom. Two days a week, plus every other Tuesday when I am at Pottstown Memorial. 

During Christine’s 2-hour visit, the dogs were in and out constantly, my mother called me several times, I actually never stopped running around. I had not realized how much constant running around I did—all the while my foot being sore. (Dear Dr. C told me that my foot should not have been as swollen as it was. It was most assuredly not his excellent surgical skills, but the demands on me and my foot, both feet to be exact.) I tended to mom and the pups over and over and over, leaving Christine in the living room and then in the kitchen while she scanned papers for me. Not the meditative life, this. Not the stress-free caregiver. 

And here I am, sitting up with Valentino. He is slated for Pet Smart tomorrow at 4:00, but if he isn’t 100%, grooming will be out of the question. Meantime, little sleep for me. As it was, I had a few chocolate-covered coconuts from Nuts.com last night. Should have refrained, but it was all too tempting. Will attempt to go back to sleep after I am sure Val is OK. In the morning, it will be an effort to get Lucy down stairs. (I leave a dog bed at the foot of the stairs now to protect her. Sometimes, she falls toward the end. But she’s too big to carry down.) After Lucy finally makes her descent, it’s in and out, breakfast time for pups, kitchen cleanup, my breakfast, bathroom cleanup (from the night before when I am not there to tend to mom), and then mom’s ablutions and her breakfast. I am exhausted and a bit sick to my stomach right now. Was so worried, am still worried about Val. I will be listening for him all night if I go back to bed. As it is, I only got 2 hours of sleep.

 

Monday, February 24, 2014 

Dogs have been outside and have eaten their breakfast. Mom has been up and is back in bed. But at least I got to her before she could make a mess. Call from a patient’s daughter last night. She is seeking suppositories for her mother. Made the rounds of calls with the CNAs involved, assured her that everything would be OK. I understand the edge in the daughter’s voice. I sometimes hear it in mine, too.  And she gets far less sleep than I do. Her mother does not often sleep through the night and screams loudly. Hard to sleep through that. 

My mom does sleep peacefully—but not always through the night. She gets up once or twice for a bathroom break, but at least here she sleeps well. In Bayonne, mom was totally exhausted. She would often slur her words and slump over the kitchen table. She complained of being so tired. Her sister, who shared her bed, often hallucinated at night and sometimes vomited and evacuated her bowels on the bed. But Rose is in a nursing home now and getting good care and safe from harm. Their caregiver Ann was fantastic. I don’t know how she did it, but I do know that she sacrificed her own health to care for the two women, one of them most assuredly quite ill. Ann did laundry constantly, cleaned the apartment, bought food, cooked, cleaned the women, and called for medical help when she saw the need. She even entertained them and bought them crafts and coloring books. Played BINGO with them. And she sang and danced with mom. It was a 24/7 job. No one should ever have to do that. I now understand why she did. I just don’t understand how she did it.