Sunday, March 16, 2014

Val woke me up in the middle of the night. Didn’t sleep after that. He paced and I followed: in, out, porch, office, upstairs, downstairs, couch, kitchen, in, out, porch, office… Might have been the full moon, but of course I feared another seizure. He’s fine now and getting his beauty sleep. I am exhausted. Still cleaning mom, still urging her to push out the poop.

Well, I have determined that this is all a privilege and not a burden. If I don’t get sleep, so be it. But last night, I had Nancy’s latest verse to bear in mind (she sends me Biblical verses from time to time): “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

The Lord was with me. I wasn’t fearful. I was just tired. Still am. But here we are. Lucy is breathing gently and sleeping on the office carpet. Val is sleeping on the office dog bed. Mom is in the kitchen and has eaten her cereal. And I have had my Ezekiel cereal and tea. What more could I want?

I had some bad dreams last night: severe storms on the way, an escaped goat, chickens being shot. And when I was awake, which was most of the time, I wondered when or if a nuclear warhead was going to touch down here in the United States dropped by the stolen Malaysian airliner. Living grows more intense, not less, as I age.

Rob likened mom and me to two scorpions in a bottle—battling all the time. She refuses to sit on the toilet and prefers to hold it in. Well, she has met her match in me. I give her water to drink and make her wait it out. Sometimes it works. Other times… But one must try. Frustrating.