Monday, March 24, 2014

Did I say something about spring being in the air? If I did, I was wrong. Temps still in the 20s. Cold walk this morning with the pups and Aunt Betty. And tomorrow, we are expecting yet another snowstorm. Oh well. It won’t be too bad. At least all of the snow and ice from previous storms are gone. How will my plants survive?

Mom has been having trouble with her bowels. Serious problems. I called the doctor this morning to discuss possible solutions. But we solved the week-long problem with more water. We have been giving her MiraLAX for a week now. That, plus a large glass of water (mom only drinks water out of desperation) seemed to clear the problem. But cleaning was a challenge. The caregiver we hired must have been challenged last night and of course was not privy to where I keep my cleaning solutions. Thus, the work this morning was a little extra heavy.

This morning, mom thinks she is in Secaucus and that Rob’s brother lives in Ohio. Just a few miles off. He lives in California. Mom asks Rob about his brother with some frequency. And sometimes she actually remembers that he lives in California. And the cat is still on the ceiling fan. Someday, she and Dr. Seuss will share cat stories in heaven! Oh well. We all have good days and bad days. (Just check my Lumosity scores!)

But mom is eating her daily Cheerios and drinking her coffee once again. I have an editing job to get out on Wednesday—so, it’s back to work for me!

Later—

You finally do get a good routine going: changing clothing, diapers/underwear, soaking hands and cutting fingernails to be sure they are clean, sterilizing nail clippers, washing toilets and bathroom floors again and again…

Betty related an incident her son shared about his little son Dylan. He was not feeling well and would not eat supper. Later he vomited in the windowsill, of all places. When David felt Dylan might want to go out to join the Boy Scouts on a hike, he asked Dylan how he felt. Dylan agreed to go, but had to be carried half the way. Still later in the car, David noticed a terrible odor. It happened that Dylan had soiled his clothing and was totally unaware of it on all levels. Seems to be what happens at both ends of the spectrum. Both parents and caregivers have to be experts at cleaning and sterilizing and knowing what products to use that will be easy on them and on others in the household. Disinfecting is essential when dealing with children and the elderly.

I prefer isopropyl alcohol (watch out, it’s highly flammable) and hydrogen peroxide (in which the nail clippers are now soaking, but it’s not good on all metals). Clorox, although excellent, is tough on the lungs and should be used sparingly. Lysol wipes are good, and I use them prodigiously.

Still Later—

Nurse finally called back. They recommended, of course, a suppository for mom and Preparation-H. Will find some OTC variety that I hope will do the trick. Been a horrible 2 weeks. And I am denying her the cookies she loves. Gotta watch the diet! Would give her detox tea, if she would drink it. But that is a problem. Mom isn’t much of a tea drinker. And detoxing only provides a mild cleansing under normal circumstances. Still, am sticking to organic vegetable soups and no meats for right now. Mom asked for a sandwhich, but bread is also out until this problem is sorted out.

Well, back to work. More anon!

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Mom has a new friend: Carol. Carol is a caregiver who comes by to sit with mom when Rob and I must both be out. Mom remembered her name last night—wonder of wonders. Carol must have made a good impression on her. Even more astounding is that she can hear Carol’s voice. Must be the timbre. Sometimes Rob and I must speak terribly loudly and slowly for mom to hear. Carol speaks quickly and softly. Could be that mom is merely trying to assume conversation—as she is unable to engage in conversation.

Long day today. We are having dinner with friends in New Jersey. Carol will be back to spend the day with mom and “Aunt” Betty will be here to see to the pups. It will be a busy household.

Last night, as we were walking back to the car from the concert hall, Rob laughed again about some lines I had related to him from Frasier. I make it a point to run downstairs and repeat something terribly funny that Frasier, Roz, Daphne, Niles, or Mr. Crane had said. We get more mileage out of those funny moments now than ever. Maybe it’s because we need the escape, the belly laugh, or the moments of freedom from the stresses of taking care of a once vibrant woman. I see now the importance of bringing in another soul to lighten the load, to help you get over the first call in the morning: Sandy! Maybe the call is not as desperate as it seems, but it is the call of a woman who needs to know that someone is there, preferably the person she is calling. If Rob goes to her, she invariably asks Where’s Sandy?

As many times as I hear my name called during the day, I am never prepared, never ready for whatever will face me. And yet, I dread the day I will not hear her call me ever again.

Later—

I learned something very important this week. Sometimes when I put food before my mother, she often complains that she is not hungry: I could never eat that. Last time this happened, I place a cup of hot vegetable soup on her table, left the room, and in minutes she picked up the bowl and devoured it. Did the same this morning. I could never eat that. I’m not hungry at all. Maybe later. So I left the bowl and told her to eat it when she got hungry. I turned around to do dishes and, again, within seconds this time, she picked up the spoon and began eating her soup (organic vegetable soup). I replenished her plate with cheese (Bella Vitrano from Monte Lauro) and crackers (Sesmark, Ancient Grains with amaranth, quinoa, millet, and sorghum). Few people eat as well.

We did, however, make the mistake of telling mom that we would be leaving for dinner at 3:30 pm. Since then, she has been admonishing us to get ready, get dressed. Rob said he finally understood why I am so neurotic—with a mother like this. Mom was far worse when I was younger. I remember my high school graduation day. Earlier in the day, I was the lead performer among Edward Goldman’s students at the YMCA, where I played the first movement of the Liszt Eb Concerto with the Bayonne Art Trio. After the performance, people rushed up to tell me how wonderful it was. But mom rushed me out: You have to get dressed for graduation. Graduation was in four hours. I was already dressed. But she rushed me home, away from the reception, away from the congratulations, away from my moment of whatever-it-was. This was my mother’s hallmark: getting ready hours in advance and standing in wait. I was never allowed to sit, especially when crinolines were in vogue. I had to stand with my hands away from the dress, lest I crush the many slips and crinolines beneath the dress. It was not an easy life. And mom is back to tell again and again how it must be. Yet, all this follows are horrible morning cleaning up poop from the bathroom floor and giving mom an early shower, hoping she will be fine until we get home from dinner. Blessedly Carol will be back. I hope she can handle mom without any serious mishaps.

Caregiving is no box of chocolates! But it has its little rewards, as when mom will eat a bowl of soup or has a good night’s sleep or has gained a pound or two.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Val woke me up in the middle of the night. Didn’t sleep after that. He paced and I followed: in, out, porch, office, upstairs, downstairs, couch, kitchen, in, out, porch, office… Might have been the full moon, but of course I feared another seizure. He’s fine now and getting his beauty sleep. I am exhausted. Still cleaning mom, still urging her to push out the poop.

Well, I have determined that this is all a privilege and not a burden. If I don’t get sleep, so be it. But last night, I had Nancy’s latest verse to bear in mind (she sends me Biblical verses from time to time): “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

The Lord was with me. I wasn’t fearful. I was just tired. Still am. But here we are. Lucy is breathing gently and sleeping on the office carpet. Val is sleeping on the office dog bed. Mom is in the kitchen and has eaten her cereal. And I have had my Ezekiel cereal and tea. What more could I want?

I had some bad dreams last night: severe storms on the way, an escaped goat, chickens being shot. And when I was awake, which was most of the time, I wondered when or if a nuclear warhead was going to touch down here in the United States dropped by the stolen Malaysian airliner. Living grows more intense, not less, as I age.

Rob likened mom and me to two scorpions in a bottle—battling all the time. She refuses to sit on the toilet and prefers to hold it in. Well, she has met her match in me. I give her water to drink and make her wait it out. Sometimes it works. Other times… But one must try. Frustrating.

Thursday, March 13, 2014 

Huge windstorm last night. Tough sleeping, but my new pillow is making me quite comfortable. Alas, Rob (and Betty’s husband, Charlie) had little sleep. The men are sensitive to such noise. Rob’s room can get far too noisy in a windstorm. He is trying to nap even now. 

Temps dropped precipitately last night. Quite cold. Below freezing to be sure, and the wind chills are horrible. I need to collect the garbage bins. 

Whoa! Received a return phone call from the Sisters of Saint Joseph of Chestnut Hill: Sister Margaret Mary Smith. She was two years behind me at Holy Family Academy. We exchanged stories about the sisters, her experience as a Novice, and the sisters who taught us. How I loved them. How I still love them. And we talked about mom and my turn as her keeper. 

Mom was in pretty bad shape this morning. Poop down her legs and on her clothing. I showered her, or tried, but I think she didn’t realize that she was pushing. Oh well, I kept cleaning, then made her sit on the toilet. It wasn’t easy. As I told Sr. Margaret Mary, you want your mother to be your mother. Still, it’s my turn, and I had better learn to do this caregiving gracefully and thankfully.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Chiropractic appointment early today. Needed to arouse mom early. She had apparently had a BM in the evening and left evidence in the bathroom. I walked the pups, fed the pups, cleaned the bathroom, had breakfast, prepared mom’s cereal bowl (now almost all unsweetened Cheerios—we titrated down the Honey Nut Cheerios they same way we do dog food changes), and got mom into the shower. Then off to the chiropractor and the supermarket. 

But alas, we are ready for the waterproofing crew to come on Saturday. Much of the “stuff” from the basement is now on the porch and some will be in the garage come Friday night. Then Jake will come in June to work on the basement shelving. 

Heard mom ask again, Where did Sandy go? Can’t really spend much time with her. Must work. And she cannot accompany me to stores and such. Would like to get her out on the porch again, now that it’s warming up. But the porch is too crowded with basement stuff. We look like hoarders. Am hoping Rob will move some of his boxes back into storage. He refuses to part with his papers from the F.S. era. That hateful man did not pay Rob for 9 months. Of course, why Rob continued to work for him is beyond me. F.S. is sick, but he apparently has no trouble finding new wives. 

Had a great night with my new pillow. Actually slept through the night and didn’t want to get up this morning. Oh, there goes mom with Rob behind, saying Use your cane. As my cousin Marje put it, it’s an air cane—rarely hits the floor and is of very little use. Mom is now in her bedroom, watching television. Have been putting on old TV programs such as “The Waltons,” “Andy Griffith,” and “Gilligan’s Island.” (Oh crap, I had to ask Rob for the name of that last show. At times, I think I need the curcumin as much as my mother does.)

 Well, back to work.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014 

Did not sleep well last night. Yesterday, a basement waterproofing company came by and gave us an estimate. I signed on. I knew all along we had no choice. Ever since I moved in, the spring thaw would bring small puddles and the cinderblock is showing limestone ash in some areas. Must do something now before it is too late. We signed on for work this Saturday, which means we have to move so much of the “stuff” to another place—the garage, the back porch. I kept imagining where things would go. I eventually fell asleep when Betty called to walk the pups, but I declined. I needed a few more minutes of sleep. 

Saw Barbara this morning. We are all planning to go to Barb Fisher’s funeral. Still a shock to all of us in the neighborhood. Making plans for Friday.

Mom awoke a few minutes ago. Nearly 10:00 am. I showered her and found myself in decent humor. Maybe it’s Swamiji’s red rock. It arrived yesterday from Arizona in thanks for editing I did on his latest book. It exudes some wonderful energy. Anyhow, when mom said That cat’s still up there, I agreed: Yep, he sure is. Might as well not fight the flow. Might as well not!

Sunday, March 9, 2014 

Betty called this morning. A little early, I thought. Forgot that the clocks were moved ahead. Awoke to find mom in the bathroom. Toilet filled with tissues and toilet paper. Quite a mess! Wasn’t about to fish it all out. Fortunately, it flushed. She had not washed her hands, so I counseled her. Then I will off to see to the pups. 

This morning, had to wash the Mutt Mats and dog bed covers. Lucy’s been leaking. Took an extra long walk this morning to be sure Lucy would finish her business outside. Met Bud and the Duke of Laurelee and Lois and Kirk. And I think that was Mr. George with a new little dachshund. Mr. George lost his wife some years ago and loves dogs. He often goes to shelters and walks them. But I think the little one we met today is his own. Nice to get out. Nice to breathe fresh air and clear the lungs. Nice to see the neighbors. I wish mom could get out. Wish mom could walk any distance at all. Wish mom knew where she was and remembered who I am, that her house was in New Jersey and that this is Pennsylvania, that it’s morning—not afternoon or evening, that Betty comes by every morning to walk the pups with me, that “the Black Dog” is Valentino and “the White Dog” is Lucia, that the television is in her room and there is none in the living room… 

Soon enough, mom will be able to sit on the porch and admire whatever flowers and shrubs survived the winter.

Friday, March 7, 2014 

Was too tired to do anything yesterday but nap. Just not feeling well. Overwhelmed. Needed uninterrupted sleep—something that’s not within the choices in this household at the moment. This morning was quite nice. Valentino was fine, but for some sniffing. He kept following a trail of something and exploring the upstairs rug. Nothing to be seen. Nothing I could smell. 

I let him out for relief and then used the leash to bring Lucy down the stairs. It worked well. One problem solved. But after I fed them and was cleaning the bathroom from one of Mom’s night purges, Lucy pooped on the newly cleaned hall carpet. I quickly picked it up, let the dogs out, then sprayed the special enzymatic solution, all the while mom calling, Sandy, needing to go to the bathroom. I shouted No! As soon as I was fairly sure it was safe to roam there and then cover the wet spot for the dog’s safety, I let mom go to the bathroom.

I have not even had my breakfast drink, and I am tired.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Another tough night. Awoke at 3:40 AM. Couldn’t get back to sleep. But the dogs were sleeping soundly. No noise from downstairs. Time to pray for everyone who pops into mind as I make use of conscious time.

Finally fell asleep, when the phone rang far too early in the morning. It was M. asking if I needed help with mom. She calls for an agency I recently contacted, but I backed off. Cannot imagine another adult, another voice in this small space. I am further exhausted at the thought.

Betty and I walked the pups this morning. They were properly outfitted for the cold 17 degrees. I tried getting a urine sample from Val, but failed. He had been propped up against a snow mound and I had to stand awkwardly to get it. We shortened our walk; said hello to J, who was waiting for a friend to drive him off to breakfast; and deposited the dogs on the porch, where we said our good-byes with hugs and kisses. I don’t know what I would do without Betty. Don’t want to imagine it.

As I pulled out the ingredients I would need for breakfast—yogurt (dogs’ and mine), flax seed oil and cottage cheese (Val’s), steamed carrots (pups’), potatoes (possibly mine with eggs), colostrum (mine), boiled beef (pups’), cinnamon and maple syrup (mine), and Missing Link (pups’)—mom called several times.

[Me mixing flax seed oil and cottage cheese for Val]

Sandy

[Me adding beef and carrots and water to the pot to heat up for the pups]

Sandy

[Me making my yogurt with cinnamon and maple syrup]

Sandy

I didn’t answer. I have decided I can only do one thing at a time. And now, as I am so tired, I can hardly even remember what to do next. So I don’t answer. I know mom is lonely. I know mom needs company. But I have another book to edit and more work is coming in. I have to work to keep the roof over our heads. And I will not call M. to come sit for mom until both Rob and I must both be away from the house. No other adults welcome at any time. Erwachsene verboten! Adultes interdits! And whoever is sent here must also love dogs.

On top of everything, today is garbage day, which means Val will be going crazy every time a garbage truck runs by the house. We typically get at least 4 drive-bys every Thursday: garbage trucks running east and then west and two recycling trucks, first east then west. Sometimes, trucks coming from the river or Stoudts Ferry Bridge road drive by. It’s tiring. Must be tiring for Val, too. So much to protect. But right now, he is in my office. I would close the door, but today I cannot. It’s stuck again. Jake will need to come by and redo the work that the former carpenter did. Thank God for Jake. He’s responsive and good and wants to run a decent business. Jake is well on his way. His next job is to replace the Bathfitters tub and shower surround with tile. We’re also adding tile to the ceiling directly above the shower. We did the same for the house in NJ. Worked out well. I picked out simple matte subway tiles just yesterday. Picking out tiles is a fun thing to do. It takes me from the house and the pups and mom for a little while.

Well, mom is finally appeased. She asked for the time and made me promise to wake her at 9:00. That was at 9:11. I lied. She needs more time in bed, and I need more time to get things in order. I am so tired. Canceling my haircut in Coventry. More later.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014 

Long day at the Philadelphia Flower Show yesterday. Freezing temps, my foot is quite sore, but all in all, I had a wonderful time. Bought new garden gloves, some bulbs, and a cobra-head digger/weeder. Can’t wait for spring. Will it ever arrive?

I was so tired last night. Crept upstairs to bed early and was unceremoniously awakened by my cell phone at 4:26 AM. Someone had left a message about needed supplies I shall have to order for a patient. Couldn’t get back to sleep, but I stayed in bed and tried to luxuriate. Val was pretty quiet and came upstairs to sleep a bit, even after his initial school bus greeting. Both pups seem very tired. I was going over my emails when mom called. I bade her to stay in bed. A few minutes later, Val vomited. Am going to feed them something now. Am hoping the flaxseed oil is not hurting his sensitive tummy. Will feed him less this morning. I am so tired myself, but I need to get started on editing a new book for someone.

Off to feed the kids, get mom ready for the day, and get myself ready. This is not going to be an easy day.