Tuesday, December 2, 2014 

I am almost ready for Christmas. All of the decorations are on the porch, which I cleaned and readied just 2 days ago. Was thinking of switching on the gas fireplace and bringing mom out to the porch to watch me decorate the tree. But she is still my mother. I can hear her now: Put another red one there. Move that one. Yeah. That looks better. But then, why not give her the chance to “organize” something “on her own.” This is all presupposing I can actually get her out onto the porch. There will be a mixture of sleet and snow and rain today; so who knows how comfortable the porch will be, even with a robe and a blanket. I can manage it, but I know my mother won’t.

She has been getting up early each morning when I am about to walk Valentino or about to go to church. I avoid putting on lights, and I try to move about quietly. But sometimes Valentino barks impatiently. Can it be that she hears or has she become acclimated to our going out at that time? Mom calls constantly once she is awake: Sandy! Sandy! Often it’s only to hear the time. I have thought of putting a digital clock in her room, but that is sure to frighten her. At times, even the light on the television becomes terrifying. By now, however, “the man in the tree” outside her window is not a bother. Did you see him? He’s been up there all night! Sometimes I humor her. Other times, I am short with her: There is no man. There never was a man in the tree. Think about it mom! How can a man stand in a tree all night long? Well, maybe she was a survivalist in a former life. But even as I say the words, I know how preposterous I sound. Think about it? How can she think? That faculty is long gone. Thinking occurs on some level, but her brain is no longer fully functioning. She is a child becoming an infant. And there is where I have the greatest difficulty.