Sunday, February 8, 2015 

Today is Valentino’s birthday. We sang Happy Birthday so many times to him, he must be baffled. I also had to bring up Lucia’s harness. Val’s broke yesterday. Was lucky to have saved the other one in the basement. I had not intended another dog to wear it ever. But I had no choice. Val sniffed and sniffed away at it, moving me to tears. We both miss her terribly.

Tonight I cried some more. Saw a film called Iris about Dame Jean Iris Murdoch, celebrated English author and wife of scholar and professor John Bayley. Iris was robbed of mind, spirit, and life by Alzheimer’s disease. The story of her decline into Alzheimer’s was recounted for the screen by her devoted husband. Now, mom doesn’t have Alzheimer’s, but there were moments in the film where John lost it and couldn’t deal with the fading of his wife’s mind and the growing distance between them. I felt absolved in a way for the many times I yelled at mom or became terribly impatient with her. Alzheimer’s is the Great Robber. Dementia, on the other hand, is the Great Frustrator. Both are horrible demons. Both to be despised. But the people they inhabit must still be loved. And how difficult, how very difficult that can be.