Monday, August 17, 2015 

Been a long summer. Mom was signed up with hospice, but I don’t know how long that will last. Hospice provides a valuable service and gives me much-needed moments of respite. Mom, however, is far too healthy to be considered on the decline, at least actively speaking. Of course, she has her good days and her bad days. Don’t we all.

Hasn’t been a terribly hot summer, but yesterday, was an exception. I was at the farm, serving as a docent for the main farmhouse. It was blisteringly hot. Breathtakingly hot. Boiling hot. Un-bearably hot—there’s a “b” in there to sustain this alliteration. And it wasn’t a good day for me.

But for mom, heat is a blessing. She starts every morning with the same question: “Is it cold outside?” I often remind her that it’s summer, but with her native cleverness she replies, “That doesn’t matter. It can be cold in the summer.” So I lose that argument. Yet, trying to convince her that it’s warm or hot outside isn’t easy. Merely noting the temperature does nothing to persuade her. Mom is naturally cold these days—hands and feet especially. She often asks to wear her Polartec jacket on the worst days. Of course, we do have A/C; however, seeing her dress for autumn does nothing to make anyone around her more comfortable. Yet can serve as a reminder of more comfortable days ahead.

Venous insufficiency is a bear. What’s comfortable for me is not necessarily comfortable for her. Nonetheless, the disparity in sensing the heat can become a point of frustration. Like everything else, I see something one way and mom sees it another. Some things never change.

Friday, June 26, 2015 

Yesterday, at the Farmers’ Market, a lovely couple—Michelle and Clifford—came by to purchase a bottle of wine. They were in town for the funeral of a pastor they had known. Their visit to the winery became a blessed opportunity for prayer. I asked them to pray for me and my mother and tried to convey how difficult it is taking care of her. Michelle told me that I should try to find moments of joy here and there to hold on to. It was such a cheerful and healing thought. I clung to it all night at the winery and decided I would practice finding and relishing moments of joy with my mother. I decided to review these moments at the end of each day to prevent the worst moments from being played over and over and over in my head.

When I returned home last night, Rob said mom had had a bad day. She had called for me every 5 minutes and asked where we were going or when we were going. Rob tried to tell her that I was at work and that we weren’t going anywhere. But that didn’t stop mom. Sure enough, mom called for me as were standing there discussing her. Again she asked where we were going and when. I assured her we were not going anywhere. At that moment, she reached out to touch my blouse, as she often does, and said, This is nice. Where did you get it? I like the color. So I chose this as the day’s moment of joy. To be sure, mom almost always comments on my clothing, even when I am wearing dirty and worn gardening clothes. And she always asks where I bought the item of interest. My usual reply is that I bought it at the store. Mom is unaware of the shops around here and wouldn’t remember one from the other anyhow.

Still, mom’s reaching out and saying something sweet became my day’s Moment of Joy. I would love to find Michelle and Clifford to thank them for their sublime message, kindness, and prayer. Lacking that, I will thank them through the Lord. I had started the day helping Mark and Janine weed and mulch their shop front. By the end of the day, I was tired and cold and dehydrated, despite my efforts to drink enough water. But the Lord sent the troops in to rescue me and provided a true moment of joy. Praise God!