It’s tough to know what to do. I want to be with mom and feel bad when I go into the kitchen for tea or supper. But I also know mom will wait for someone to be at her side if that’s what she wants. Waiting is horrible.

Morning—March 16

Valentino woke me twice this morning. The first time, mom was still moving her arms. So I went back to bed in the hopes of getting a few more minutes of sleep. Valentino came to me again. This time, mom was still. No breathing, but she was warm. I moved her arms onto her chest and unclenched her fingers. I fixed the pillow under her head, as if it would make her more comfortable. I spoke to her and kissed her and told her I would miss her. Then I told her to find daddy and my dogs Lorenzo and Lucy and Roxy. Wouldn’t it be great if she met them. “Say hello for me. Tell them I love them and I miss them terribly, as I will miss you.”

I called my brother and mom’s brother in Tokyo, who bade her a tearful good-bye. I rang cousins Karen and Patricia and wrote to everyone else. The phone has been ringing off the hook ever since.

I called hospice and the whirlwind began. The women from hospice came. I took their photos and they said their good-byes to mom. Lorraine, one of our CNAs, stayed with mom a bit and she had her last cup of coffee with us. The most difficult part was seeing the undertakers put mom in a black bag, zipper her up, and haul her off. But I knew she wasn’t in there.

I wrote notes to everybody who knew mom, family and friends. I approved the obit and edited my eulogy. I packed up mom’s things for Good Will, put aside the hospice equipment, and set aside supplies for another hospice patient. I chose photos to be given to the funeral home and have only to purchase a USB port and load the photos onto it.

It’s nearly 4:00 pm, and I have just had breakfast—a cup of tea and some herb baked eggs (but I forgot the dill). I am going to sit now and wait and pray. Two guests are coming tonight: Cheryl and Deb. As a matter of fact, Cheryl just arrived. More later. The night is young. My dear friends are with me in prayer and in person. It’s wonderful. I know this will end eventually. But I will always have my memories. My memories of mom and our nearly 4 years together in this house with Rob, Valentino, and Lucy.