Tuesday, December 30, 2014 

I am not in a loving mood this morning. The night before last, I awoke at 3:15 am. This morning, I awoke at 2:00 am. I finally fell back to sleep at 6 am only to hear the voice of doom: SANDY! I went downstairs, loaded for bear.

What do you want?

I don’t feel well.

You’ll be fine. Go back to sleep.

 

She did. I didn’t. Of course I felt guilty. So I went back downstairs for the rest of the story.

What’s wrong, mom?

I don’t feel well.

What’s wrong?

My mouth is dry. And I have been using that stuff (Biotene).

You need water. Wait a minute.

I brought her the water, but mom has never been able to drink more than a sip.

Here, I don’t like it.

Well, then go back to sleep. You’ll be fine.

 

Later—

I have already walked Val and fed him. And mom is now up at a record 8:15 am. She brushed her teeth, and I made her sit on the toilet.

I already went.

No, you didn’t.

I went last night.

You need to go now.

I don’t have to go.

Yes you do!

 

She sat. She “went.”

You don’t like me, do you?

As a matter of fact, I don’t.

So there you have it, gang. Don’t trifle with me when I am exhausted. This is one of those days. I hope tomorrow is not. My father had a temper, but he was patient. I have his temper, but I am not patient, at least not with my mother and at least not today.

Time for a review of the Reiki rules:

1. Just for today, I will not be angry.
2. Just for today, I will not worry.
3. Just for today, I will be grateful.
4. Just for today, I will do my work honestly.
5. Just for today, I will be kind to every living thing.

Frankly, I usually have few problems with Reiki rules 2 through 5 (with the exception of stinkbugs, which are prolific in this area, as we are one block from a soybean field. They tend to hang around for the harvest. If I am in a good mood, I carry them outside. If I am not, it’s down the toilet. Maybe they will reincarnate into something good and beautiful.)

It’s that first rule that trips me up, particularly when I am tired. I am tired of cleaning up poop from the shower wall. I am tired of cleaning the toilet handle and the toilet seat, the floor around the toilet, the faucets and the light switch plates, the doorknobs, the woodwork, mom’s chair. I especially don’t like cleaning up the ring of poop around the soap pump bottle on the bathroom sink. I am tired of the smell of feces. It sometimes stays in my nostrils all day. And don’t mention the smell of bleach or Lysol (for which I am eternally grateful).

Today, I will pay especial attention to Reiki rules #1 and #2. Thus far, however, shinsetsu ja nai, I have not been kind.