Thursday, August 7, 2014

 

Yesterday was a day I do not care to repeat. Working on a new assignment, well, possibly. First conference call, I sought clarification on my role. It’s not a huge assignment (5 courses to review), but the company that hired me also hired a nurse, whom they consider the editor. Her credentials say she is an editor, but she is not in the publishing sense of the word. And as I had done this job last year (20 courses from start to finish with 4 writers), I wondered why the overkill. Then I had a second conference call, during which the company that hired the company that hired me asked what my role would be. Of course, they knew me from last year and knew my capabilities. But this time, they were looking ONLY for a nurse with an MS to act as clinical editor. All other work would be done in house. Dilemma! I saw it and they saw it—i.e., the need for only one person to do this work; however, the one person they wanted (on paper) was not fully capable (in my estimation) to complete the assignment and all of its components without some serious guidance.

So I am prepared to work in the background. But here again, qualifications are in question. Who is more qualified to edit the courses: the nurse with an MSN who is not an editor or the editor who has done clinical editing for many years. I worked for Excerpta Medica for 10 years straight, getting job after job and doing an excellent job in the process. But then their requirements changed: They would only work with PhDs. All worked out in the end. The PhDs didn’t know squat about editing or writing, and I got to fix up their work.

For the current job (sort of described above), I was supposed to identify senior medical experts (SMEs) to review the courses for the MSN they hired to review their work. Found some wonderful physician assistants, but the client only wants nurse practitioners or practicing nurses with MSNs. Back to the drawing board.

Anyhow, I thought I was out of a job on two accounts: from the point of view of the people who hired me (after the first conference call) and the point of view of the people who hired them (after the second conference call). It was getting tiring and wearing thin.

Then I started thinking about the job I really have: taking care of my mother. Of course I need to continue to work to keep the roof over our heads, but I also need to do my primary work: care for the people and animals under this roof. Oops, mom just called me. Lost my train of thought. [Wait a minute…] Oh, here it is again: Sometimes taking care of them is tiring and wears thin, too. But since I started writing this morning, the pups have been out, Val only barked once, and mom has been to the bathroom once and called me once.

It is still not 0700. I am waiting for Aunt Betty, whereon we will begin the day officially with our walk. I will then feed the pups, get mom’s breakfast ready, make my own breakfast, wash the dishes, take a shower, and do what else is put before me to do work-wise (see Day-Timer). Today, I am also getting a haircut in Coventry, leaving mom once again to Rob, and then picking up our organic food order. Been a busy week: I was gone all day Monday to visit Nancy and Eric (who is now blessedly in rehab), gone on Tuesday to the hospital in Pottstown and then back again to Pottstown for dinner with a client, and gone yesterday morning to the car dealership, where I spent a good chunk of money once again on my aging but beloved “Greta Carbo.” Tomorrow, it’s back to the chiropractor for mom. On Saturday, I will be at the farm, taking new and returning docents through their paces for the reunion next weekend and the farm festival the following weekend. My life is not for the faint of heart.

Mom is up now. Well, she has been up several times already. But I have showered her and changed her yet again. And I think I have reached a turning point! Finally! She was cleaning the mirror in the bathroom with a dirty tissue as usual. And instead of scolding her and pulling the dirty tissue out of her hand, I said I would help her finish cleaning it. I used a clean paper towel and applied vinegar water, while she held the mirror in place. I then thanked her for helping me. Seems like a small, more humane thing to do, but it was a giant step for me. You see, I always attempted to be as clean as my mother was. She was always cleaning and organizing something, somewhere. And her dementia undid most of that. She still organizes, but she is often unaware that her nightgown or the waistband of her pants is smudged with feces. My response to this terrible change in her was to be distressed and curt. This morning when she demanded to wear the same underpants, I explained that she wouldn’t want to wear soiled clothing. She seemed to understand, but there is no telling. At least not from her. I need to watch my responses. Trouble is, when a client is on the phone and Val is barking while the kid across the street is skateboarding off his latest hangover, I lose it.

Yesterday when it looked as though I might lose this job, I was awakened to realize that the most important job I have is to take care of my mother humanely. Of course, for the most part I do. She is clean and well fed and comfortable. We cater to her every need. She sits like a queen bee calling for tissues, juice, cookies, or something to eat. That pretty much sums up her needs. I find it most challenging when she takes her core of trips to the bathroom: the group of four or five trips in as many minutes. Yet, I know it is important for her to void as often as possible—whether she realizes that she “went” or not—to avoid incontinence.

Mom is still kind, unlike the horrible man who shared Eric’s hospital room. Mom never shouts or yells out for anything, except to see if Rob or I am here or at least somewhere near. I felt for the son and daughter-in-law of that demented and demanding man. And I recognized anew how blessed I was. Things with mom could be ten times worse. But she is now a part of my life, for better or worse. I hope to continue to rise to the occasion and be kinder to mom in turn. There are times when her demands or her messes will get to me, but above all, I must respond in a way that will maintain mom’s dignity or what’s left of it.

And now, a dose of current reality: much cleaning to do. We missed the soiled clothing yesterday. Man, I am tired already. Load in the wash. Cleaning up poop again. I wish my water bill were not so high, but this is life now. Gas and Electric are also increasing tremendously. I wonder how I will continue, but I am not alone. None of us is. And fortunately, I am not alone in taking care of mom. Rob also plays an integral part in her care. We are both doing our best.