Sunday, May 17, 2015

Barbara, a friend from market, is a registered nurse and a nurse instructor. She is also a caregiver. Her father lives with her, but he’s currently in rehab, and she has been visiting him daily. During one visit, she was overheard talking loudly to him. The man won’t wear his hearing aid, and Barb was getting exasperated with him. So she repeated and repeated. Apparently, the social worker overheard her and reported her to the state. Barb is now considered “unfit for personal care.” So Barb looked up the charge and found that it was based upon speaking to a patient with “intent to belittle.” I am sure she and her dad have had go-rounds with some frequency. This was but one of them. And I am also sure she did not intend to belittle him. I have seen her with her dad, and he looked pretty contented and happy to me. Such reports, made so easily and so carelessly, can result in serious damage. The social worker suggested putting the man in a home, which Barb cannot afford. Besides, since she is a nurse, she prefers to and wants to care for him herself. When the state gets involved, things get dicey. Perhaps good is intended, but the consequences are often not very good. In this case, I worry.

Still, Barb’s predicament gives me pause. I am doing my best not to say anything to belittle my mother. It’s one thing to correct her as you would a child, but another to make her feel bad about something. And there are times you lose it—as you might with your own child, your spouse, other family members, your friends. But the difference in the case with the elderly relates to the short time they have left on earth. Make the most of the moments left. It will be easier and more pleasant for you, as it will be for the person for whom you provide care. The kindness you extend to another can be a balm for your own soul.