Friday, June 26, 2015
Yesterday, at the Farmers’ Market, a lovely couple—Michelle and Clifford—came by to purchase a bottle of wine. They were in town for the funeral of a pastor they had known. Their visit to the winery became a blessed opportunity for prayer. I asked them to pray for me and my mother and tried to convey how difficult it is taking care of her. Michelle told me that I should try to find moments of joy here and there to hold on to. It was such a cheerful and healing thought. I clung to it all night at the winery and decided I would practice finding and relishing moments of joy with my mother. I decided to review these moments at the end of each day to prevent the worst moments from being played over and over and over in my head.
When I returned home last night, Rob said mom had had a bad day. She had called for me every 5 minutes and asked where we were going or when we were going. Rob tried to tell her that I was at work and that we weren’t going anywhere. But that didn’t stop mom. Sure enough, mom called for me as were standing there discussing her. Again she asked where we were going and when. I assured her we were not going anywhere. At that moment, she reached out to touch my blouse, as she often does, and said, This is nice. Where did you get it? I like the color. So I chose this as the day’s moment of joy. To be sure, mom almost always comments on my clothing, even when I am wearing dirty and worn gardening clothes. And she always asks where I bought the item of interest. My usual reply is that I bought it at the store. Mom is unaware of the shops around here and wouldn’t remember one from the other anyhow.
Still, mom’s reaching out and saying something sweet became my day’s Moment of Joy. I would love to find Michelle and Clifford to thank them for their sublime message, kindness, and prayer. Lacking that, I will thank them through the Lord. I had started the day helping Mark and Janine weed and mulch their shop front. By the end of the day, I was tired and cold and dehydrated, despite my efforts to drink enough water. But the Lord sent the troops in to rescue me and provided a true moment of joy. Praise God!
thecaregiversdiary 
My dearest friend, angels come to us in many forms, sometimes as an old friend, and sometimes a new one. I love this story and I’m taking it to heart. We are at Fenwyck Island, De. We wish that you and Rob could be here. We miss you and are praying for you and your Mom and of course, Rob.
Hi Cheryl,
Just found your note. I hope Fenwick was wonderful and the rest you sorely needed. You most certainly are one of my cherished angels. Much love and many hugs,
Sandy
There are always moments of joy throughout the day. It is just that we insist on not finding them or seeing them. We would just rather keep in the mind set that our lives are distraught in caring for our elders who are in the throws of dementia. Some how it justifies things in our mind for feeling weary. I understand the journey, being in it myself. I get frustrated that my husband doesn’t understand situations that require mindful thought. I have learned that to” lighten up” and discover joy certainly makes the day worthy for all of us! Keeping a journal and writing allows us to unleash the frustration and discover the joy underneath it all.
As far as your dirty blouse that is sometimes complimented…Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!
Thinking of you and praying for all of us!
I have a Buddhist friend who signs his notes, “JOY! JOY! JOY!” It’s a beautiful reminder, and yes, we need reminders. Even Swamiji has down moments. We all do. Caregivers are probably one of those groups with the greatest number of down moments.
I cannot pretend I like taking care of my mother. I don’t. It is restrictive and difficult and requires a lot of work and time and cleaning up. That said, mom is usually in good humor. So for that we are blessed. And the moments of JOY! that I find and seek are usually in my garden, with my dog, with my friends and my work and my home. I am grateful to be able to give mom a good home, where she is loved and kept clean and well fed. Much more than that, I cannot do. Even when she craves company, it hardly matters when I give it to her. She does not remember from moment to moment. So it goes. But she has found joy and lives happily. Stress is what it is: INEVITABLE! And it does rob one of JOY! I don’t seek stress, nor do I cling to it. (I do teach yoga and mindfulness, after all.) Even then, mind you, caring for the elderly is stressful. There is no escaping hard facts. Fortunately, you can escape the madness with the sniff of a lovely blossom or by hugging your mother and pretending to dance, while she sits on her swivel chair.
Interesting… I read a book, with what we now call, “The Joy Club” girls. The Book is, “Awakening JOY” James Baraz, Shoshana Alexander. This book helps you to find JOY right around you, everyday! Things you may have previously missed. It helps to have a guide… please try it. You can order it on Amazon and never have to leave the house. How easy is that?
Love you~
Hi Becky,
There is another book you might all have read. It’s called The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, one of my favorite authors. I think you would love it. And yes, JOY is all around. I have a Buddhist friend who always signs his notes “JOY! JOY! JOY!” It’s the best we can wish for anyone and hope for ourselves. I myself find great joy in my garden. I had, however, been getting eaten alive by the mosquitoes, but recently (and intuitively) discovered that magnesium oil helps to keep them away (all while giving you the dose of magnesium you need). How great is that. And, yes, we (I) need to be reminded of joy and its proximity frequently. Some time stressful things blind you to the opportunities for joy that are all around. Thank you again for the reminder and the name of the book!