Monday, July 4, 2016
Mom is not only back, she’s in rare form. Did the 8 trips to the bathroom while I was trying to edit a paper. With so many distractions, I have to keep going back to the beginning to be sure I didn’t miss anything. And then there is the incessant begging:
Please sleep with me! I miss you so much.
Well, I’m right here mom. Besides, you’ve lived here for more than 3 years now, and I have never slept with you. Your bed is made for one person. There’s just enough room for you.
Of course, why do I bother with an explanation? She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t listen. She will ask again at least 3 or 4 more times before she falls asleep, each time telling me how much she misses me. I am exhausted and she has only been home 3 full days. I am counting down to the next allowable respite period in 67 days!
thecaregiversdiary 
Counting down to the “next allowable respite in 67 days”? Sounds like both you and mom enjoy the time she spends in respite. Why not make it permanent so that it will have a positive effect on your relationship with her and she with you? So many positives to her relocation…increased socialization for her, increased self esteem for both of you, reduced stress for you, reduced bathroom sanitizing for you…I could go on and on. What is it that is preventing you from her relocation? I relocated Rich 9 months ago and both his and my world have dramatically improved in all areas! If you can stop judging the choice you will be able to see it is a choice that will work for the two of you. It will create an improved quality of life for all of you living in the house!
Thinking of you and sending my loving thoughts!
Martha
I am so glad you were able to relocate Rich. No doubt your quality of life has improved drastically. But doing so for mom is not an option for several reasons: (1) We don’t have enough money to bring her to the best homes around. Trust, me, they won’t even look at her. I applied for respite care and she was refused–no portfolio. And mom does not qualify for Medicaid at this point. Besides, the best places up here don’t take Medicaid patients. The home she goes to is fine for 5 days, but I would never assign her care to that place. It’s like being in a hospital, and she shares an undecorated room; (2) It would require a considerable amount of time to drive to the home every day to see to her care. Optimal care occurs only when you are a constant (daily) figure in the home. Don’t forget, I still work; and (3) We can still manage her care. Mom is ambulatory and pleasant and noncombattive. Her only problem is her constant need for attention and demands, and don’t forget her very poor toileting. In the long run, we have a lot of cleaning to do, loads of laundry every day, and we use surgical gloves and antiseptic wipes prodigiously. But we can manage her care. That said, I see no need to pretend I like going to the one bathroom we have to find it so soiled that I cannot use it until I clean it. I see no need to pretend I like the constant interruptions as I attempt to work in my office next to her room. It’s life.
Last night, my dog consigned himself to the basement because of fireworks. My husband was apparently unable to get him to come upstairs. So when I awoke at 0200, I searched for him and found him down there. Took me a bit, but I got him upstairs for water and outside for a pee. I would no longer leave my dog down the basement (even though he has a comfortable bed down there) for the night than I would put my mother in a home for my convenience. And the only reason to put her in a home would be for my convenience. Fortunately, we have time off every 70-days.
My friend’s husband is still home with her. He cannot talk or walk, is on a catheter, and can barely feed himself. She has a very bad back and is seriously unable to care for him without further injuring herself. If I were in her shoes, I would have put him in a home a long time ago for his good and mine. So I am not “judging the choice” as you suggested. For us it’s far too expensive, and it’s just not necessary at this point.
Thank you for your loving thoughts and concerns.