Friday, March 3, 2017
Mom sleeps most of the time and eats and drinks very little. When we do have her on the potty and she is sitting up, Rob takes the opportunity to give her something to drink. Mom can no longer sip through a straw, or at least not all of the time. So he starts by giving mom a spoonful of water to prime her for drinking.
Mom still calls. Sometimes for her sister Marge, sometimes for her mother. But mom sleeps most of the time and we have taken to propping her legs and back and heels with pillows to prevent bedsores. All in all, mom is still fairly happy and seems to be comfortable. She is not eating more than a quarter cup to one-third of a cup of cereal a day, and getting her to drink can be challenging. Consequently, mom is getting smaller and smaller. So frail. Had mom been in a nursing home, she would have been long gone.
Sometimes I think of Brooke Astor and how all the money in the world was no guarantee of comfort or a good end. That Mrs. Astor laid untended in her urine on one of her silk damask couches is unthinkable.
The end is never an easy time. You truly learn to live in the moment. Yesterday, I was quizzed by the social worker and the current chaplain about how I will feel when mom passes. I protested saying that she is still alive. We are making plans and doing things dispassionately as needed, but to know how it will feel when my mother is gone is useless conjecture. I despise when the news hens on TV ask “What if?” Who knows and frankly who cares about what might be. I will know of the grief of my loss when it occurs, and then and only then will I deal with it.
So to all the nurse assistants, nurses, doctors, and chaplains, who ostensibly try to help you through these wrenching times, buzz off! Mom is still here and we are still caring for her in many ways. We will heal in our own time and in our own way. No amount of your talking about mom’s passing will help us while she is still alive. We cherish this moment: the moment that mom still needs our help, our presence, and our love.
thecaregiversdiary 
You and Rob are amazing! I often think of how our parents took care of us when we were helpless, and then it becomes our turn. May God and His angels be with you always.
i think hosts of His angels are surely with us! Sending hugs to you and Rich!
We love you. God knows what you are going through.
Thank you, Cheryl. Sending hugs to you and Bob.
You go girl!!! I hate that crap!!!
Amen to all that! Wears me out!
Mark 14:8a –“She has done what she could.” You are doing all you can at this moment in time for your dear mother. When the time comes for her to go, you can rest on that knowledge. Our earthly bodies were not designed to last forever. She has done so well for so long, better than most all the rest of us. God will surely see you through the time of her passing.
Thank you for your beautiful words and this Godly reminder.
Dearest Sandy,
You are nothing short of amazing … never short on ideas to help the situation you have found yourself in. You do what you must … Rob as your backup, always supporting you both. You do what you are called to do… for as long as it takes… you will be given what you need when you need it… Bless you all as you fulfill your place at this time and space in this life… Prayers and Love ❤️
Dear Becky,
Sending love and hugs back to you. This morning, I made some jello (with the fewest artificial ingredients). And mom had nearly a cup of orange juice and some chocolate ice cream. She is deciding when to eat. We just have to find the right things for her. But it won’t change the inevitable. Her decline is sharp. Breaks my heart!