Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Words of advice to anyone who is taking care of a loved one with (or without) dementia or who is contemplating doing so:

You might not grow used to sleepless nights, night after night after night.

You might not grow used to continued calls for water or demands to turn off or on a light or to open or close a window, or to identify an object in the room.

You might not relish cleaning up, continually. Nor will you relish changing diapers.

You might not relish the routine of donning surgical gloves—and possibly masks—emptying waste bins, cleaning soiled bedding and bedclothes and possibly carpeting or toilets, sinks, bathroom floors and walls and light switch plates and doorknobs…

You might not relish hearing your loved one call through the night or in the morning to help her or him to the bathroom or out of bed or into a wheelchair.

You might not relish a call for a bathroom break while you are preparing or eating a meal.

You might not relish having to do several loads of laundry a day, beginning by washing feces off clothing and sheets, soaking them in a disinfectant, and then doing the regular wash.

You might not relish late night trips to the store to buy special foods and stay up to feed your loved one.

You might not relish bathing your loved one, disinfecting the tub or shower, and washing soiled towels.

You might not relish feeding your loved one when they can no longer feed themselves or helping them drink water spoonful by spoonful.

You might not relish having little time to yourself, as your loved one can do little without your help.

You might not relish having back pain or neck pain from turning your loved one in bed or helping him or her one out of bed or to the potty or into a chair.

You might not relish constant interruptions from your work or your reading or while you watch a film or a television show.

 BUT, you will never, ever regret a moment of this. You will never regret knowing that you provided a clean, comfortable bed or environment for someone you loved. You will never regret knowing you did all in your power to make someone’s last days here on earth as good as possible. There is no reward on earth more satisfying than knowing you provided for someone with all you had, even when you were exhausted, hurting, grumpy, angry, or not feeling well yourself.

And you might, as I did, come to realize that despite many serious challenges, you would do it all over again.